Karahmel After Dark

Top 15 HERPES INFESTED Cities In The US

2012-01-13T16:04:00.000-08:00

Hello my Loves and Lovelies.

This here is some disturbing (OK not really) mess! The CDC has recently released the Top 15 Herpes Infested Cities in the US. Is your city being repped on the list?

15. Norfolk, VA - So I have not been there but this is kind of a shocker to me.

14. Birmingham, AL - This is a shocker too. I thought they would be higher on the list

13. Detroit, MI - Again, why not higher on the list

12. Memphis, TN - I gues Memphis in May is not the only hot ass mess down there

11. Nashville, TN - It's an epidemic in TN I see

10. Oklahoma City, OK - REALLY?

9. Richmond, VA - SMH

8. Baltimore, MD - Not far but close enough to DC so I understand

7. New Orleans, LA - I wonder what it was Pre Katrina

6. St. Louis, MO - This seems a little random to me

5. Newark, VA - More random

4. Milwaukee, WI - OK I am lost on this one

3. Chicago - Not shocked, Just glad its not Cleveland!

2. Washington, D.C. - Well this is the nations Hood

1. Atlanta - Was there ever any doubt?

Cheating Men = Broken Penis

2011-12-08T18:13:00.000-08:00

According to Journal of Sexual Medicine, a study done by the University of Maryland between 2007-2011 found that of all 16 patients with penile fractures, half admitted to the injury being sustained while having an extra-marital affair.

The study also revealed that most of the men were having sex in awkward or unusual places. Think: cars, elevators, bathroom stalls, and offices. “If you have sex in a weird location or a physically awkward situation where you don’t have total control over your penis, you might not be able to protect it from getting crushed.”

While I am sure the broken Richards were very painful, I'm sure the conversation these men had to have with their wives was a lot more painful! How do you explain a broken Richard to your wife?

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Did The "Do", Kocked-Up & Still Wanna Screw - But How?

2011-07-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

Hey Lovelies and Loves,

So here is the deal. My girl is pregnant (I'm still in shock with this one) but has not seen her other half in a little while due to some distance. She had one major concern.

"Ok Ms Karahmel- I havent seen the BD in almost a month and a half, which means when we do see each other we gonna need to get it in like its goin outta style! Heres my question, Im much bigger than the last visit and some positions arent gonna work, so what kinda positions can we do while Im preggers???? (we horny girl! lol)"

Now I have done my share of being porked while preggers so let me get this out now... by reading this blog post you acknowledge that are risks and dangers inherent to sexual intercourse while pregnant. Please consult with your physician prior to taking on any forms of exercise to make sure you are in well enough condition to participate. You also acknowledge that Karahmel, Karahmel After Dark and it's entities are not an insurer of your safety. By reading this blog posting, You agree to accept all risks and dangers inherent to my activity in and around your sexual location of choice and assume full responsibility for any injuries or damages that may occur to you.

In other words... use your best judgment, talk to your doctor and I ain't responsible!

With that being said, there were 2 positions that I loved while pregnant. Of course the number one position was doggy style. Where you are on your hands and knees and your partner is from behind. And if you don't know what doggy style is then GAWD how did you get pregnant!?!? This position keeps very little to no pressure on your growing belly. I was able to utilize this up until week 42! Also with everything shifting and moving, you may start feeling things in this position you never felt before. The G-Spot can become more sensitive and lead to greater and longer orgasms.

-- Speaking of orgasms - the Big "O" while pregnant is a freaky but wonderful thing. Do not be shocked if when you feel you little bundle get bigger and you have an intense orgasm they start to kick and move around. This is perfectly fine. They are just banging on the walls telling you to cool down all of the commotion! They are trying to sleep. What is happening is when you have a orgasm, it's similar to a non productive contraction. Your uterus will expand and contract. Perfectly normal and harmless if you are not on any kind of high risk pregnancy watch.

Believe it or not missionary is also a good position however after you hit about week 30 I would not attempt it if his belly is just as big as yours and/or you are having back pain. This position can lead to more back pain due to everything laying and shifting back into you. If your partner is a lay downer of sorts, he can also put pressure on you and the baby and no one will be a happy camper.

Other positions that seemed to work well were laying on my side with my knees up - Kind of like in the fetal position and your partner on his knees. Think of it as a modified missionary. If you even dare, prop one leg on his shoulders or arm as he enters you.

Lastly, if you feel adventurous and want to do a little bit of work yourself... YEEEHHHAAAAAHH RIDE HIM COWGIRL!!!!

I can't stress enough the importance of checking with your doctor prior to going forth in any physical exercises but once you have the clearance... HAVE FUN!

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Ask Karahmel - She Don't Complete Me .....

2011-07-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

Hey Lovelies and Loves,

I know it has been a while but I am here again, with another installment of Karahmel After Dark. Summer is in full swing and it is time to get back into the Kink of things. So here I am to answer your questions.

This is another one that came in on the question line.

"I got a question! y don't women suck a men till he bust? I'm saying i eat pussy till the female bust , t turns me on y can't i get the love back?"

OK. Just because you are anonymous does not mean DON’T SPELL CHECK OR PROOF READ... I’m just saying. Anywho, there are a few simple reasons as to why she won’t complete to taste your salty treat..

Selfish - she does not like you that much
Your balls smell “mursty”/Your pre-ejaculate taste bad (click here for tips on how to make it better)
You are hard to make cum and her jaw hurts - it's possible
You don’t know how to be a HANDS OFF kind of guy - I mean really, don’t grab my head
You can’t keep it up after one nut and she refuses to waste it in her mouth/face/tits (most common)

Do any or all of these apply to you? Most women wont because a big majority of the time we are left unsatisfied, but if you are making her orgasm she just may be selfish. Watch for the signs.

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Ask Karahmel

2011-01-29T16:39:00.000-08:00

Hey Lovelies and Loves,

I know it has been a while but I am here again, with another installment of Karahmel After Dark. I have a question that came in the other day from the question line that simply says... and I quote "What is good sex? Bad sex?" ............. *blink.... blink*

Now I know I always say there is no such thing as a stupid question but... this one is kind of close. It is all in the perception of the person getting/giving up the loving. Personally, good sex ends in a mind blowing orgasm but before the climax it is over flowing with emotion and connection with the person who I am bumping uglies with.

Bad sex = Over in less then 4 strokes, shallow strokes, no stamina, selfishness... I mean the list can go on and on and on. Just think about what turns you on and what turns you off... that is your good and bad sex.

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How Do I Turn My Man Out?

2010-12-10T18:35:00.000-08:00

This question came in on the Anonymous question line below.

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My Man Won't Eat Me Out....

2010-12-09T19:03:00.000-08:00

The Perfect Penis Size?

2010-12-08T18:24:00.000-08:00

This question came in on the Anonymous question line below.

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Ask Karahmel - Anal Transition

2010-11-07T05:17:00.000-08:00

This question came in on the Anonymous question line below. I chose to answer it as a movie :)

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Chat With Me!

2010-10-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

My Reaction to 1 Guy 1 Jar - I know I am late.. but damn...

2010-09-26T21:12:00.000-07:00

OMG this is some bullshit! lol I know I am late as hell but..... LAW I HATE YOU FOR THIS!!!!

Dear Karahmel - STD's

2010-09-22T19:35:00.000-07:00

So this question pops up in my email a few moments ago. I figured screw the fact I have a fever of 101... I need to get this answered. There is no such thing as a stupid question so this person just needs a little help. Well I am about to help you, whoever you are!

"Dear Karahmel,

What should I do If I think I may have a STD? I caught my boyfriend cheating on me and I don't think he used protection. Recently I have had a discharge from my vagina, but due to sinus problems, I can't tell if it has a odor or not. Can you help me?"

First things first, stop having sex with your partner, if you have not kicked him to the curb, until you both have been tested and cleared from all STD's. Many people (men and women) pass an STD to a partner without realizing that they are infected.

You can go to your own doctor for tests or you can go to a local clinic that may offer their services at a cost that is based upon your income level (such as Planned Parenthood).

When you go to your doctor's office, or STD clinic to be tested, make sure that you tell your doctor, or nurse practitioner, about the symptoms that you have been experiencing. They may ask you questions about your sexual activity and partners. This is not something to be embarrassed about. Your doctor, or nurse practitioner needs to know this information so that you can be given the most appropriate treatment.

When being tested for a STD, you may have to have a series of tests before you can be given treatment. This is so that your doctor can confirm your diagnosis. Once you get your diagnosis and course of treatment, be sure to take your medication and follow up with your appointments as directed. If you alter, you put yourself at risk of prolonged illness and treatments.

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Official: The Most Sexually Satisfied City In the U.S. Is… - TIME NewsFeed

2010-09-22T08:50:00.000-07:00

Los Angeles? No? New York City? No? Milwaukee?

Nope.

According to a Men's Health survey, Indianapolis, Ind., is the most sexually satisfied city in the country.

Read more: http://newsfeed.time.com/2010/09/16/and-the-most-sexually-satisfied-city-in-the-u-s-is/#ixzz10H3HDIVe

Official: The Most Sexually Satisfied City In the U.S. Is… - TIME NewsFeed

How To Rubber Your Flubber 101

2010-09-15T19:45:00.001-07:00

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Don't Ask Me To Suck Your Dick If You Can't Say Hi

2010-09-14T20:13:00.001-07:00

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Knock down them walls or expand the halls?

2010-08-12T20:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Karahmel,

What is more important, length or width when it come to penis size?

Hell, They all matter to me! But then again I know how to get mines off no matter what size or thickness that person is working with as long as they are willing to listen to my mouth and/or my body language as to what feels good and what does not. But because the inner two-thirds of the vagina is not as sensitive as the first third, a longer schlong is not going to give every woman more pleasure. Now if you like him knocking on your cervix wall like a sledge hammer then by all means yes! Take that, take that, take that! In terms of width, some women prefer a thicker penis. If you're on the slim side, try flattening out on top of her during doggie-style or try tightly squeezing her legs between yours in missionary. Ladies, if you have loose coochie then do your Kegels, it can only help your sexual pleasure!

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Give Your Man The Very Breast

2010-07-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

Yes ladies, titty fuck him. Take them, baby oil them up, and shove them together around his wanker. Pretend you like it, spit down on it and let it make lewd noises. Let him have some fun and hold them for you and move in and out. You may be in luck to have someone skilled enough to play radio Tokyo with your nipples at the same time and give you a little pleasure from the situation.

Why you ask? Because it’s not all about us either ladies, sometimes we have to give a little to get a little. Personally I have a few rules when it comes to the Tata Screw.
- You are not straddling my torso - I cant fake if you are cutting off my air supply and stabbing me in my neck
- I am not doing this every time we screw. Maybe on your birthday or the 4th of July or even 4/20, but don't expect it every night
- Take what you get because when you start asking for extras, my generosity starts to dissipate.

Not enough boob to engulf his tube? Welp lube up your ass cheeks and treat them like hot dog buns.

So toss it into your routine It often does nothing for us but alas, it will give you a Rolodex of funny faces to watch over and over again in your head.

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It’s Not About You - Part 1: Men, Get over it

2010-07-18T19:13:00.000-07:00

With all of the positions of the night that I have been posting, I have been seeing a few things… that leads me to one conclusion. IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! Bedroom biddness should never be one sided. Fella’s, just because I can, I will be focusing on you tonight. (Ladies, it will be on you soon enough so don’t laugh too hard)

Fellas please take heed; if any or all of the following apply to you, then there is a problem.
1. You always cum first
2. You don’t eat pussy
3. You just want to shove it in
4. You don’t eat pussy but you want her to suck you off
5. Your screw only has one speed

…. Do you see where I am going with this? If those apply to you then you are just one selfish mofo. No she does not “like it” like that. She may put up with it but she does not enjoy it. Women tend to let lies come out of their mouths because they do not know how to break it to you that she was thinking about her long to do list for the week instead of thinking how bad she is wetting the sheets or the fact the pillow is not muffling her screams well enough.

If you always cum first, well you are just inconsiderate. Take some time to learn her body, how she likes to be touched, kissed, stroked, ect. Remember, it’s not all about you. If you don’t bring her sexual pleasure, there will be another who will be more then willing do fill that roll

While we are at it, lets get on the non labia licking men out there. Did you know a woman and a dildo can fill that roll? It is 2010, you can loose your job to a dyke who is more willing and ready to get with your woman just for the fact that she can do what you refuse to do. Yes, it may all be sexual for her, but why should she had to go to those drastic measures when you are the one who is supposed to be giving her pleasure. Ladies, help him out… Wash your ass. But fella’s GET OVER IT. You want us to suck and slob all over you, return the favor.

Now if you just want to shove it in, GIVE ME A BREAK! Women take a while to warm up sometimes. Men, you can get hard and ready for a screw with the outline of a nipple in a nuns habit. Women need a little more then a slap on the ass as an suggestion. Foreplay keeps her coming back to you. It is all about how you approach the situation and finish out your act. If you rush through, going at one jack rabbit speed and only spit on her cat to get her wet, its not a good look. Keep her coming back by showing you care and taking your time.

It’s not all about you… Ladies and Jump off’s… your time is coming up next!

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Dear Karahmel; Too Big To Ride? NEVER!

2010-07-12T11:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Karahmel,

I have a question for you. My man wants me to ride him but I am afraid to. I am a plus sized woman and just don’t believe that he would want all of “this” on top of him. What can I do to get more comfortable with me being on top?

Well congrats on taking that first step towards overcoming your fears! First thing is first, if he want’s you on top, girl he wants you on top! Don’t worry about how he see’s you or what not because if it were that deep, he would only hit it from behind and then dip 3 minutes after he was done.

If your worries are about him “seeing” you on top that can easily be fixed. Since we know “no lights” is not always that complete darkness that some of us seek or crave, there is one other way to keep him from seeing so much. Blindfold him. Blindfolding him will do 2 things. Enhance his pleasure by removing one of his senses and increasing the others. Most important, it keeps him from seeing you.

Simple blindfolds can be found at http:www.KnaughtyTinkerings.com a long with a few other teasers. You may even feel comfortable soon enough to tie his hands to the posts of the bed or behind the chair.

Don’t let your size be a obstacle for your sexual pleasure. Myself, I am classified as a Big Booty Judy too, and best believe, where there is a will, there is a way. So ride that man like Sea Biscuit and watch his toes curl and him sing your praises.

PS… if you are not able to still ride him and look at him in his face, reverse that cowgirl position, grab his ankles and add more bounce to the pounce. He will get a wonderful view and full access to the future you have behind you!

Kinkly,

Karahmel <3

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Here To Stay!

2010-07-04T07:31:00.000-07:00

Sweet Jebus I look a hot ass mess but this is dedication for yall. I'm here to stay!

SIT AND SPIN....

2010-07-02T12:51:00.000-07:00

That's what you can do with the stick in your ass!!! Have some Vaseline!

To my faithful following, some of you may be wondering why I came back after this blog had been somewhat inactive for a while. Well life took me out of the game for a little bit but I am back. However you all can thank a hater for bringing me out of the wood work. My baby blog here had been inactive for about 5 months or so then I received a text message questioning me about why I had a sex site and blog (something that I swear we had a talk about before). Frankly I do nothing to hide the fact I sell sex toys and a blog about sex and adult situations. It's just my perspective and points of view. I want people to know. I HAVE BUSINESS CARDS! Stupid story short, he told me I needed to delete my sites. Now, I am very much of a asshole so all this did was make me laugh and giggle and get RIGHT BACK TO BLOGGING! (I even have a new computer to do it on)

So my promises to you fam:

* I promise to get you at least one blog published a week - I know how it is to just see the same stale content. So I won't be a nasty hooker, I will change the panties on top just for you.
* I promise to keep it real and you all up to date
* New features are coming soon:
o Position of the day - Self explanatory, but a sexual position for that day that you should go home and try out!
o Thong For Your Thoughts - If you send me a email question at KarahmelAfterDark@gmail.com and I answer it on the Facebook page or via blog post, you will be sent a Karahmel After Dark souvenir thong that only that Olsen twin could wear.

What I need from you:

* Please keep reading, replying, liking, sharing, submitting questions for answers, ect! You all are what I need. I want to be able to bring you quality, not that "GHETTO" shit other sites may provide. Granted I like to have fun and joke around but let's keep it real fam, some of that shit out their is just wack-tastic!

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I love you my sweets and Ladi K Promises to never leave you again! A special shout out to my Hater! :)

Why Women Cheat

2010-07-02T11:25:00.000-07:00

Because it's something you did... or even better, didn't do. From not spending enough time with her and always kicking it with your boys to not being sexually satisfied in the bedroom, it was something you did. Before I go deeper, let me speak on the bedroom thing. Ladies, if your man is not doing it for you in the bedroom, and you have not told him what feels good, how to make you cum, jerk and shake, and you expect him to read your mind.... well Bookie you are just DUMB. If you have told that man how to make you drip at the thought of the first letter of his name, it's your own damn fault... Now, back to him being a fuck up.

Let's take the sperm donor of mine who helped me reproduce life on this earth. I should have cheated on him and he gave me every reason why, I just didn't have the energy because I was being an adult. Reason number 1, he was always kicking it with Craig and Dem. Never was he interested in staying home and kicking it with me or his family. Nope Craig and dem got all of the attention that I should have gotten. Fellas, do you kick it with your boys more then you do your ladies? Hmmmm... What do you think she is doing with all that free time that YOU ARE NOT HOME?

2. He drank too damn much. If you have to have a drink or 6 a night to relax or get rid of stress, you have a problem and need AA in your life.

Now I don't condone cheating but sometimes it just happens and it for the most simplest of reasons. One thing you can do is to listen to one another. When one person has a complaint, and a valid one at that, listen to it and talk about it. Ignoring it will not make the problem go away. That is the worst thing that can be done. Eventually, as you ignore the problem, you will ignore that person... and when people get ignored, they will go else where to get what you are not giving! News flash fellas. Women are mostly emotional cheaters. While y'all think with your penis, women yearn for some kind of emotional connection in a relationship and sex. If you are not willing to give it, Abdul will.

Pay attention to the signs. If she has stopped bugging you about xyz, she no longer needs you for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Detroit Cunnilingus

2010-06-29T21:15:00.000-07:00

Ya know, I was thinking a few moments ago back to my younger years where I was learning the sexual ropes. It was that time of the month and my gentleman caller was informed of my "situation". That's when he exclaimed! OHH GIRL THAT TURNS ME ON!! I JUST WANT TO DRINK IT ALL UP....

*crickets*

To this day all I can say is... Brown, THAT'S NASTY

I Gag If I Swallow-Spitters are Quitters

2010-02-21T18:34:00.000-08:00

I had a reader contact me and ask me what she can get her man to do to taste better. Well the simple fact is, it is in what he eats. If his diet is poor and consist of beer, hot wings and pork rinds, then guess what his nut will taste like? Just like the ladies, if you eat onions and garlic... what is your snatch gonna smell like? Like Oscar the grouches playground, that's what.
Lets face it, semen is made up of only 1% sperm. The rest is water, sugars, cholesterol, fructose protein and other minerals and nutrients; all the stuff his little swimmers need to feed them along down the uterine highway.... or toilet paper.

So what do you need to do to taste sweeter? Better? YUMMAAY??!?!? Improve your diet is the best and healthiest way to do so. A sweet taste is the key. I have never known anyone who likes sucking down on a vinegary salt lick. Not anyone normal at least. Bottom line is, women do not like your salty, bitter taste. And since we don't live down in South Park, chocolate salty balls is not on the menu.

Simple modifications can be made in your diet even just a few days prior to help detox your body of the nasty foul taste and give her a sweet cream filling. First and foremost;
DRINK MORE WATER. LOTS AND LOTS OF WATER. You should be drinking at least a liter of water in a day already. Avoid caffeinated drinks and alcohol. It takes about 3 days for these toxins to fully flush from your system. After then, it takes about 12 to 24 hours for your body to put out what you have put in. So keep this in mind if you can't live your life without the coffee or your afternoon Pepsi, try cutting back on the amount you consume in the day to about half. This alone will have a drastic impact in improving your taste.

Put down the pork rinds and the salty chips and dip. Pack you a healthy snack of fresh fruits such as papaya, cranberries, mango's, apples, grapes, melons and peaches. These fruits are high in their own natural sugars. Parsley, wheat grass, and celery are particularly recommended for sweeter semen taste, because of their high chlorophyll content. Cinnamon, cardamom, peppermint and lemon are particularly recommended for making semen taste sweeter.

Increase your vegetable intake. There are a few you want to not eat so much of if you expect her to swallow you. Anything in the cabbage family and others such as cauliflower, broccoli, or asparagus (just think of how your pee smells after eating these........ case closed). While we are on the topic of things to cut back on, we might as well add on the red meat, dairy and cheese. While these are vital to your food pyramid, they also are instrumental in making semen taste salty. Avoid heavy spices such as Garlic and onions, they're big offenders when it comes to sperm taste, as they have a high sulfur content.

Now, this does not mean cut everything out of your diet. And by all means if your ass is a diabetic or have another medical condition, please talk to your doctor before making any change or modification to your diet. In fact, some medications can affect the way you taste or smell. Finally, if the smell or the taste of your semen does not change after making dietary changes, please seek medical advice. Strong smelling semen often does indicate some kind of infection.

I want to hear from you. Email me at KarahmelAfterDark@gmail.com or submit your questions to me Here. Also, Don't forget to join the FaceBook Fan Page here.

Healthy Kegels = The Bomb Sex

2010-02-09T20:14:00.000-08:00

I guess if I have one thing that I am obsessed with, it's Kegel's. Kegel exercises are the way to make sure that your pussy fits his dick perfectly like a little black (well pink) dress. These are great for new moms or even not so new moms to get that snapper back in action. Even when done during sex, some women have said that it intensifies their orgasm. When doing Kegel exercises during an orgasm, you are contracting your pelvic floor muscles. Contracting means make smaller for some of the slower people. When you make things smaller, it is less room for the penis to move in and out of, which in turn will help pull the penis closer to the G-Spot (remember this) and help bring about a stronger orgasm. Some women have even been known to squirt from this experience.

There are a few ways to do these exercises:

First you have to find your pelvic floor muscle. Ladies, Drink a lot of water.... wait... OK go pee. While doing so, try to stop your urine. OK do you have it? That is your Pelvic floor muscle. OK release it and go drink some more water and a little cranberry juice. You don't want to do this often because you increase your chance for a UTI if done too often. If you have successfully been able to cut it off, good, you have found it! Now remember how that felt.

The most fun way is to practice on his dick. But if you want to perfect the art of the vice grip you can't be like Allen Iverson... You have to practice.

These can be done at any time. Squeeze 2 3 4 Relax 2 3 4 ... Repeat. Now for starters, keep it simple. I can do about 200 in a day. Some people may want to start with 20 or 30 with reps of 5 or 10. The last thing you want is a cramp.

If you want to have a little fun, Spice it up a little bit with this lovely Kegel Aid. It is the Berman Intimate Basics Juno - Weighted Pelvic Exerciser. It is sooooo my favorite toy and serves a very important purpose. It's simple on how it is used. For beginners you want to insert the larger in (it's not that large... you have taken dicks bigger then this) and insert it into about the second nub. From there you want to do your Kegel reps. As you do your reps, you will feel the probe moving inside of you. You know you are doing it right when you feel that first nub rubbing against your G-Spot. (Remember what I said about orgasms). Once you feel you have mastered this technique, your goal is to be able to stand up with the probe inside of you without it falling out and do your contraction reps. The ultimate goal is to reverse it with the heavier weighted end on the bottom and the smaller end inside of you...

Are you willing to accept your challenge?

Quick Tips to Spice up thing....

2010-01-10T19:35:00.000-08:00

Fellas.. Turn her body into a banana split. You be the banana!

What you need:
- Cherries
- Whipped cream
- Sprinkles
- Nuts (please make sure no one has nut allergies.... pregnancy is not a allergy)
- Chocolate sauce
- Strawberries
- Ice cream if she will let you!
- Towel

Prepare the fruit prior to your bedroom romp... lay the slices all over her body and decorate her all over.... then take your time eating them off.

Have fun

Sex In The Rain, or Train, or Parking Lot

2010-01-10T18:50:00.001-08:00

There is something about doing something you damn well know you have no business doing that makes you want to do it more!!! The thought, the thrill of it and actually pulling off your tryst make it even better! PDA's are just sickening when you see them but if you catch a glimpse of someone getting slobbed and groped down you have one of 2 reactions. You get a tingle in your danger zone or you are shocked and appalled.

Public sex, while not only illegal, can be sooooooooo refreshing to your sexual soul. Now let me put this out there right now... and in plain words for the slow folks. If you fuck in public, get caught, have to pay a fine or even register as a sexual offender, its your own damn fault for not being smarter and fully scoping your target.

With that being said, everyone should try it at least once. The key is to be discreet, or as discreet as possible. Again, you don't want the police involved. Planning of the big nookie heist is very important. If its your first time its better to have everything planned out. Location, location, location! First timers, please don't try to get it in while doing your produce shopping in isle 2 on top of the apples. Start slow like your back yard. Ladies: This really is not the time to be extra cute. Skirts, no panties and a nice cotton shirt is all you really need. Fellas: Break away pants, athletic gear, something that is easy on, easy off. flip it out, tuck it in.

Needing some ideas?

* in the bushes at the park
* on the bus
* in the elevator
* at the beach (please remember there is sand and such... yeeaaahhh)
* at the amusement park
* at the zoo

Just remember to plan to the T... and as always, if you get caught, it's your own damn fault!

I wonder if Hopkins International will have a problem with me getting it in on the baggage turn style... Hmm.

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Phone Bone

2010-01-04T14:36:00.000-08:00

What is appealing about phone sex? Mostly, when lovers are far away from each other and are not able to connect for that one on one type action, then instead of cheating phone boning is the next best thing. A lot of people think of phone sex that only lonely, middle aged not so good looking men pay for at the cost of $234.00 for the first 5 minutes and $99.00 for each additional minute. On the contrary! It has come a long way from its Girl 6 days.

If you want to turn your man on like never before; whether you're in a long-distance relationship or not, phone sex is the perfect opportunity. And according to a Cosmo survey, 85 percent of men want their women to make that nassy call. Why? It lets you test the limits of each other's turn-ons without the awkward looks so you can dabble in acts that you may be too intimidated to try in person.

Dim the lights, take a sip of courage if you need to (please... dont down the whole damn bottle. We know when you are drunk and just sound like a hot ass sloppy mess!). *ring ring ring* "I wish you were lying here with me". Can you say this simple little line will send the scooby doo ears in motion. Well if the ears don't perk up, ladies... his dick will. Take "notice" of how you know his body reacts... tell him what you are doing... What do you have on? Nothing? Perfect. And if you do have something on and he is turned on more by you not.. hell, lie, he wont know the difference!

How does your partner like to touch their body? When I talk to my MD Daddy I know just how he likes to be touched, licked, kissed and how he would like to do all of the above with to me. This dirty little ditty also helps you learn what turns your partner on and for them to learn the same. "I can feel your fingers touching my thighs... you know how I like it when you.... " Or "I was just thinking about the way you sit in my lap..." The most engaging ear candy is intensely personal. Honing in on what makes your mate unique keeps it real.

Draw your partner in to what you want them to do. Ask them questions... "what do you wish i was doing to you now", "where do you want me to place my lips?" All of these questions will coax your mate to reveal all of their little dirty desires.

When the talking gets too much for you to handle, take matters into your own hands. *click* bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Tell him to give you directions. Where to put it.. when to put it in. What is he doing to you. Where are her lips. How fast is she stroking you, riding you? Think of the advantages: You're indulging in a sex act with them, but you're free to touch yourself exclusively. Encourage them to give you instructions about where and how your hands should wander. And ask how they are stimulating their own bodies. Not only will you hang up with a smile on your face, but you'll also be better able to satisfy each other when you get frisky in the flesh.

Stop being such a prude... let them juices flow. Please make sure you have a good health plan. Frequent phone boning can cause carpal tunnel, tennis elbow and maybe a little chafing. ;)

Ladies... Know What You Want Ft. Phone Boning

2009-12-13T16:18:00.000-08:00

It't now time for another installment of "help me help you". Ladies, ladies, ladies. I have a bone to pick with you. Over the last few weeks while I have been getting my brain rest I have been hearing some disturbing things. Well not just over the last few weeks but for some years now. You wishy washy brawds don't know what the hell you want!!! Of course, if you are not a wishy washy brawd, then I am not talking to you.

I got a email at theyscrewedmebad@gmail.com from a guy who has bent over backwards to do what he "THINKS" this girl likes sexually. So I replied back and asked him if he has asked her what she likes... SHE TOLD HIM SHE DOES NOT KNOW! How can you be a grown woman and not know what turns you on? what makes you wet? What makes your nipples hard? What puts the dew on your lily? I can go on for hours but you get the idea.

Ladies, this is your homework assignment. MASTURBATE. Ooooooh a naughty nookie word. But for real. Get you a mirror, wash your hands, get in the bed, place the mirror in front of you and TOUCH YOURSELF. Rub your hands over your breast. Feel your nipples. Pinch them. Touch your stomach. Rub your arms. Feel your thighs. Reach down and take a look at your (technical word warning) vagina and see how you react to various feelings, pokes, prods. Wetness is a good thing.

Now take what you have learned back to your man and tell him what you have learned. Guide his hands. Do not be afraid to tell him "NO".

And that leads me to the second part of this post. Why are women afraid to tell men what turns us on? Is it a fear of sounding like a slut? I mean if you are really not a slut then there is nothing you have to worry about right? Truth be told, some men like a little nastiness... a little purr here, ass smack there, ect. Let loose. But of you just cant bring yourself to it, ease into it the good old fashion way... Phone Bone.

Yes, phone sex. Get your girl 6 voice on, close your eyes and tell him everything you want him to do to you, everything you want to do to him. You may surprise yourself and he may learn a little about what you want in the process. Tell him what it looks like, feels like, smells like, taste like... yes he will ask.

Learn yourself, so you can lead him to be the lover you need him to be... and if he refuses after all of that... NEXT!!!!!

Send your questions for the Naughty Nookie Adviser to theyscrewedmebad@gmail.com and please join the Facebook Fan Page for updates!

What would Karahmel Do? Gum

2009-12-12T20:21:00.001-08:00

I often get asked questions about what I would do in certain situations... well I have answers

What do you do when you just popped a fresh stick of gum and ur faced with sucking a johnson?

Welllllll simple. Either kiss it into his mouth... but that would mean he is getting all of your double mint flavor. Why would you want to do that? He is already getting head right? So what ya do is stick it to the back of your knee... it will be there when you finish.

Enjoy.

And that's what Karahmel would do! :o)
Sent from my G1...An Android Phone

Sloppy Blows

2009-12-01T15:04:00.001-08:00

What man does not like head? Even gay men love to blow the magical flute before they hit it from the back and toot toot toot.

So men, what I need to know is... what is it about sloppy head you like? What's the big deal about SLOPPAAY BLOWS?

Or do you like it neat and pristine? Educate these jawns fellas.

Sent from my G1...An Android Phone

Ladies, Where's DA BEEF!

2009-11-30T23:43:00.001-08:00

So ladies, this is what I need to know. What do you enjoy most, a man who is thicker and wider or a longer?

A sista is tired of hearing these damn commercials. So what do you like. Fellas, what would yourarher have?

Sent from my G1...An Android Phone

The Naughty Blogger is Back!!!!

2009-11-30T22:47:00.000-08:00

Thanks to all of you who have supported me and all that sappy crap. I love you all! And I am coming back in full force. Ok not full force but somewhat kinda maybe a little push and kick kinda force until the ball drop of 2010!

Unleash You Inner Bitch - The Art Of Being A Dominatrix

2009-09-14T17:55:00.000-07:00

I once had a guy tell me I was not aggressive enough in bed. We had just took it to that "other level" in the relationship and I was just doing what I thought all men liked, for us to do just what they wanted us to do. But no one paid me to think. That's why he shared that little tidbit with me. And I am SO glad he did. Thanks Snookie! But those words right there unlocked something within me. It allowed me to find my Inner Sexual Bitch. Granted I was younger back then and I really did not know much. I was not as experienced, but it did let me learn to be a little more aggressive which in turn released something deep down in me that I did not know I had; POWER!

Not only do I have power, I have power that some men secretly (and not so secretly) want and desire. It's all about attitude ladies. And not the chicken neck ghetto, overly loud your momma raised you Italian/in the hood/African/hell, a WOMAN kind of tude. Think Ertha Kitt. The sexy, assertive, prowless who knows what she wants and how she is going to get it. Being a Dominatrix is not always about sex either. Like I said, it's about getting what you want. I have a sub, a piece of sniveling shit who worships my feet and only my feet. If I want them rubbed, he will do it. If I want my toes painted, he will do it. He will kiss them, he will suck my toes, he will even lick Franks Red Hot off of them if I told him to? Why? Because he lacks guidance and wants me to show it to him. The best part about it - I don't have to screw him and I still get something out of the deal. He gets his goodies off by sucking my toes and I get to giggle because I kicked him in the face with my stiletto.

All you have to do is develop your attitude. Don't be wishy washy. Make a decision and stick to it. Or change your mind if you wish, but don't go back and forth. Focus on the fact that you are in charge, and your way is the only right way. Period.

Start slow and build up to where you are comfortable being. Choose your props from ropes to gags to whips to paddles or even silk pantyhose. Leather is always a nice touch but it is not necessary... but they are always fun. A good pare of fuck him girl knee high boots always makes me feel like the bitch I want to be. Anything that you wear must put you in the mood for training day.

What is training day? Well all good pets have to be trained, right? Well today is training day for your man-pet. This is obedience school, and you’re the teacher! This is a great scene for beginning Dommes and is a great way to teach your man his place. It’s also a good idea to repeat this scene on a regular basis, so no one forgets who the alpha dog is. Sit! Stay! Good boy! As always: Play safe. Domination is an exchange of trust. If you don’t have a “safe-word” then establish one immediately. Make sure that the only thing your subject has to worry about is what you are going to do to him if he disobeys.

THE SET UP
This requires very little setup, and it’s a great excuse to pick up a few of the essentials that every good Dominatrix should have on hand.

RESTRAINTS: You’ll need restraints for your pet’s wrists. The Sexy Slave Kit is great sources for these items. If you are comfortable using rope, then by all means, knock yourself out. Just remember to play safe.

LUBRICANT: There is a wide assortment available in various formulations, scents and flavors. This is a matter of personal taste, so to speak, but my favorite still is the WET line of lubes.

THE NOTE: Write him a note or send him a text. Nothing long and mushy, nor overly creative. Just something telling your pet where to be, and what to be wearing. My text usually consist of: “You have one hour. Once you are granted entrance assume your position - Mistress”. Depending on whether or not his training is corrective, or just for my amusement, I may include instructions about blindfolds or restraints or whatever. Remember: YOU ARE IN CHARGE. Of course when he does

COSTUME: Your pet should be wearing as little as possible if you plan on getting physical. You, on the other hand, should be dressed like the vixen that you are. Men are affected by visual stimulation differently from women. This scene is about showing your pet the sweet treat that he wants, and making sure that knows that obedience is the only way to get it.

OPTIONS: It’s hard to recommend ankle restraints for this scene, as it requires your pet to stand for the duration, but a blindfold is always a nice touch. A spanker or a paddle is a good way to get your pet’s attention. Whether you use it or not, just showing it to him will probably keep him in check. You should also consider picking up some candles, and throwing on a little music.

ACTION
Now for the fun part. You have set the scene. Candles are lit, music is playing. Your man knocks on the door (as instructed in his note). Ask him who it is, and then tell him to enter.

* Tell him your Domme name and make him repeat it to you.
* He is not to speak until he is spoken to. (Except to say, “Yes, Misstress/Miss/Ma'am”)
* Under no circumstances is he to have an orgasm unless he asks your permission.
* He should stand in front of you, so that you may inspect him.

Circle him and inspect him. If he has done well so far, reward him with a few strokes, kisses, whatever you feel he deserves…just don’t go overboard. He hasn’t done anything to deserve your attention yet. Apply the restraints (hands behind his back), blindfold, etc, and begin asking him questions. REMEMBER: You are in charge. You have what he wants. If he is going to get anything from you, he has to earn it.

* What is my name? (Make him say your Domme name. Without smiling.)
* What is your safe-word?
* How do I look? (Make him look at you and answer until you are satisfied.)
* Do you want me to touch you? (Make sure he says Ma’am, Mistress, etc.)
* What do you want me to do to you? (The only correct answer is: “Whatever you want, Miss.”)
* Would you like to have sex with me?
* What is my name? (Answering the same question over and over is frustrating.)
* Who does your body belong to?
* What would you like to do to me?

After a few questions, if he behaves reasonably well, encourage him. Your goal is to teach him that obedience and cooperation earn him attention. The more he behaves, the better the reward. If you are shy about oral sex, this may be a great, safe way to try it. How you punish disobedience is up to you. If you have a spanker, use it. Otherwise, remind him that you can keep this up all night. After all, you’re not the one with their hands tied behind their back.

Make your pet answer questions (repeating questions is perfectly fine) and keep rewarding him with better and better “treats”, until he is ready to explode, or until you get bored. DO NOT LET HIM HAVE AN ORGASM! At this point you might “allow” him to drop to his knees and give you oral sex, or if you’re feeling really adventurous, you could make him watch you masturbate. All of these are options, of course, and I’d love to hear how you decide to end the scene (you can leave a comment below using the "reply" button!).

My favorite ending to this scene is to unbind my now hornier-than-usual servant boy and order him back into his clothes. He will beg and whine, but anticipation is it’s own reward.

Tweek this anyway you wish, but remember. You are in charge!

Happy Humping

Fetishes You Didn't Know You Had

2009-09-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

Sexual fetishes, clinically known as paraphilias, can make for some interesting sexual play. Most people don't even know they have a fetish. They are just seen as being freaky, or kinky but no, there is a name for that!

For instance, LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION! If you are turned on by the thought of being on camera or acting out your sexual play in front of others, you have Autagonistophilia.

Does your roll play consist of being robbed or held up? Don't Move! You could possibly have Chremastistophilia.

"I have been a bad girl Daddy. Will you punish me?" Dippoldism - Spanking

For you ladies who like bad boys and are turned on by their nature or cruel or outrageous crimes it's possible that you have Hybristophilia.

For the fellas with boobs on the brain, you have Mammaphilia also known as mammagynophilia and mastofact

If you can't get wet or get it up without being called a slut or a bitch, you just might have Narratophilia.

For those who like to fap it in front of the TV watching that favorate flick, you might have Pictophilia.

And if you and R. Kelly are distant cousins and pissing on someone turns you on (or being pissed on), when you call to schedule and appointment with the shrink, tell them that you think you have Urolagnia.

So when you are getting it on in that special way and you get ready to suck a toe in your mouth, think about it, there is probably a name for that.

Happy Humping

You, Me & Thee Make Three - Rules 2 Live By

2009-09-12T18:01:00.000-07:00

You have done it all and you want to do more. You are not necessarily board with your sex life but are looking for a little bit of excitement. Sooner or later someone mentions a threesome or even a foursome. You both laugh and brush it off but the thought has not left your minds... until now. Prudes will come to cry out that sex should only be between a man and his wife. I am here to say fuck them, you only live once.

Group sex, until now, is one of those taboo topics that people seem to shun from. We all think about it, some more then others. But if you happen to find a willing party, there are a few rules to live by.

TALK ABOUT IT
Now I am not one to tell you how to pick up that extra chick/dude (even though most threesomes are FFM because some men are homophobes who cant handle another dick in the room and they can be selfish bastards who cant think about the pleasure of his woman but only getting his dick sucked by 2 chicks at the same time) but no matter how you do rule number one is to be safe and communicate. Depending on who suggested the threesome in the first place, the rules may already be clear. You relationship will be effected by this next step in sexual play, so make sure you both are clear on what is acceptable and what is not. You partner may not feel comfortable with you kissing the third party or even going down on that other person.

BE ALL THAT YOU CAN BE
When it all comes down to doing the do, there is a good chance that someone, some where down the line will be odd man out. If this happens to you, just get in where you fit in. If the 2 ladies are bi (or bi-curious and is learning the ropes or even if it's another man and not a woman), by all means let them do what they do but be helpful also. Caress a breast, kiss some nipples, finger or lick a clit, but don't just stand there jerking your meat. This is not Perverts on Broadway. Ladies, if your man is pleasing the other woman, find ways to incorporate yourself into the mix. The same can also apply for you. Touch, caress, kiss. Focus on turning both parties on and making sure that everyone is having a good time. This is not the time to be selfish. There are other people who have to have a good time too.

BE MINDFUL WHERE YOU PUT IT
Penetration is a sticky subject in some threesomes. If this is a MMF threesome, double penetration may be the sole reason for this excursion. You just have to decide which man will be the crown and base of the totem pole. However, if this is a FFM threesome your mate may get a little jealous if you decide to give it to the other first rather then her. You have to remember, this is not a relationship, you still have to keep your main partners needs, wants, and feelings in the forefront of your head at all times. They are the one you will have to answer to later on down the line.

WRAP IT UP
Condoms are a necessity, obviously. Semen, vaginal fluid and menstrual blood transmit STDs, so use one specific hand to pleasure one specific woman and use the other hand on the other woman and keep it that way. You must never alternate (Assuming you are having a FFM)

If you're having intercourse with both women, you must also use a separate condom with each partner. As well, dental dams are a good precaution for oral sex. Lubricate the side that you place against a woman's skin for better sensation.

Be safe, have fun, and Happy Humping :)

Not Just A Kink In My Neck

2009-09-11T18:02:00.000-07:00

I can let you know now; this is not about your Grand Mommas Friday nights! If you are content with doing the same thing over and over again, then by all means, this is not for you. I will see you next blog ;) Tonight we are going to spice some things up and take to the next level. What level would that be? Well lets just take a look and see.

For starters, many women fantasize about being tied up ... or tied down. Of course we deny this. Why? Because most men do not know how to act and though we trust you, we really don't trust you. You have to show that you are responsible when attempting these types of actions. But how would you know if she is willing to trust you? Have some silk scarfs near the bed or under the pillows. Spend extra time with your foreplay tonight. Tease her until she is begging you to lay it down. At this time pull out your scarfs and tease her body. If she moans and shows interest, then proceed to tell her you are going to tie her up. Now if this is her first time, do not tie her down to the bed post just yet. Start by simply tying her wrist together. This will turn her on and still give her the feeling of having some control. Now if you want to take it to another level (if it's not her first time), other restraints such as the Flirt Our First Bondage Kit may tickle your fancy.

While you have her hands otherwise occupied, why not show her who's boss and tap that tush. But spanking isn’t just for punishment anymore. It can be a very pleasurable experience for both you and her. Toss her over your lap the next time things are getting hot and heavy. Use your hand to test the waters by spanking her lightly. If she is in enjoyment she will show it with her body. The squirming and wiggling is sure to send some good vibrations your way. If she does’t object, keep going. When it becomes clear that she’s hot for this kind of play, grab a paddle and give her bottom a light smack then watch as she evolves and melts like puddy in your hands. Pause between the spankings and give her bottom a rub with your hands. Not only will she enjoy your pain, but become wet with pleasure.

Now if these are not up your ally or are a little too advanced for you, blindfolding may be the way to go. When used properly, a blindfold can magnify arousal by leaps and bounds. Even though there are mask that you can buy for this, they are not the greatest on keeping it sexy. Your best bet is making use of one of the silk scarves you brought to bed earlier (especially if she was not willing to allow you to use them to tie her up). How is a blindfold sexy? restriction of one sense will amplify the others. Smell, touch, sound. The ability to watch her quiver with anticipation as you discuss what you’re about to do to her or if you decide to keep it to yourself; you’ll be amazed by how aroused you both become. Careful not to tie her hair up in the blindfold. Last thing we want is a patch of hair missing at the end of the night, or someones sew-in ending up on the floor.

Think outside of the box and Happy Humping

Get Out Of Missionary!

2009-09-07T20:47:00.001-07:00

If you have problems being creative with the moves check out this video for ideas.
Now, not all of us are young and limber like these people, however, in this 2.54 minutes, you get the idea of a few positions

Happy Humping

The G-Spot - It Does Exist - A Squirters Guide

2009-09-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

Yes there is such a thing called the G-spot or The Gräfenberg Spot if you want to get technical. It's not a myth, however it's a different feeling for everyone. Just like tweeking nipples does not feel good to everyone, hitting the g-spot is not going to have the same effect for all. But if you are one of the lucky ones, the g-spot has or will prove to be your best friend.

So where is it? It is a small area inside the vagina, up about an inch and half to two inches. It is located about one to two inches back from the vaginal opening inside the front vaginal wall. The "front" wall is the wall of the vagina on the same side as her belly button. Because the G-spot is composed of erectile tissue, it swells up when blood rushes to it, especially if you learn how to master the woman's G-spot effectively. Correct stimulation will cause the woman to take a deep breath and have the feeling want wanting to push down. It's a reflex, don't worry. Most women say that they have the feeling of wanting to pee and that they have a urge to "bear down".

Where art thou ol G-Spot? The best way to find it is ladies, lay flat on your back. I can not stress this next part enough... FINGERNAILS MUST BE CUT, BUFFED, AND HANDS MUST BE WASHED, please and thank you. :) Insert your middle finger (since it's usually your longest finger into her vagina, palm up. Crook your finder, kind of like the Chris Rock finger). Slide your fingertip along the top of her shugga walls until you find a area that is a little rougher then the surrounding area. Now I should not have to say this but if your partner is not properly aroused, then she will not be lubricated and the experience will suck for all. This rough or slightly ridged area is the "G-spot". If you still have problems finding it with your finger, there are various toys that can also help stimulate this area such as Janine's Red G Spot Tickler. It will provide clitoral and G-Spot stimulation at the same time.

If the hands on approach is not something that works best for you, there are various positions that help the woman have pleasure. Doggy style is one of them because the man is pushing towards the G-Spot and has less of a miss rate in this position. Now, if you are one of those men who have a "curvey" this is best for you. Other positions will prove to be your shining moment of the night. (say her on her side - if you curve to the left, she should lay on her right)

During a G-spot orgasm some women have reported a large amount of fluid may suddenly gush out - SQUIRTERS! The amount will vary from woman to woman. Ladies who have experienced this often fear that they have urinated on themselves and are embarrassed. No Pooh-Pooh, you just had a wonderful orgasm. Here is the way that you know: The G-Spot fluid is colourless, (urine is yellow - most of y'all don't drink enough water in the world to say your piss is as pure as virgin snow), it smells sweet, (urine smells like, well, piss), and it does not stain the mattress (urine defiantly does). Not all women will quirt but the orgasm will still have the same intensity.

Men have a "G-Spot" Too

Well, the male G-Spot is actually the prostate. The prostate swells when the man is aroused and helps make part of the fluid that creates semen. When stimulated, it can provide pleasure. Part of the reason men do not like the "turn your head and cough" part of physical exams. When checking the prostate, some men become aroused and have the fear that they are gay because they have been violated in the worst way but still got turned on. No babe's, it's OK.

One way to tantalize this internal hot spot without sticking your finger in his bum and risk getting your head bashed in with his fist is to stimulate his perineum, the area between his balls and anus to be blunt. The prostate gland lies underneath that area so applying pressure externally to this stretch of skin can arouse his "G-spot" Use your thumb or knuckle to gently knead the area. Especially while performing oral sex. Cupping the balls not only keeps them warm, but allows you also to massage this area.

Fellas, if you are not able to find the illusive G-Spot, no worries. She will appreciate the attention you are devoting to making her happy. And remember, practice makes perfect!

As Always, Happy Humping

No, You Won't Go Blind! - Masturbation

2009-09-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

Beating your meat, Buttering Your Corn, Choking The Chicken, Holding Your Sausage Hostage, Pushing Your Button: No matter what you call it, masturbation is perfectly normal for both men and women. Masturbation should be the first step to finding you and what you are like sexually. If you don’t masturbate, you don’t know what parts of your body are your sexual trigger points, and it makes sex with a partner that much harder in terms of satisfaction.

Aside from some religious aspects that say that it is forbidden, you have to look at things realistically. If you don't masturbate, you most likely do not know what makes you feel good, thus not allowing you to communicate with your partner what turns you on and off. Exploring your body allows you to know what opens doors for you and sends you over the edge.

Well what is it? Masturbation is the act of sexual self-gratification - stimulation of your own genitals purely for pleasure. Masturbation is the primary way you will become acquainted with your body and what makes it feel good sexually. As such, it is almost a necessary part of growing up. If you don't masturbate, you will have much less knowledge of what makes you feel good during sexual activity. Then, when you begin to engage in sexual activity with a partner, you and your partner may initially have difficultly figuring out how your body likes to be touched in order to make the experience as wonderful as it could. This is significantly more important for ladies than it is men. Ladies achieve orgasm differently than guys do, and each girl is unique in the amount and type of stimulation required to achieve orgasm. You won't be able to communicate to your partner what he or she needs to do to get you off if you yourself do not know. Masturbation is the only way to figure this out.

There is no "wrong" way to masturbate. If it makes you feel good, and doesn't physically harm your body, then whatever you choose to use to help you get yourself off is perfectly fine. Some people are conventional when it comes to masturbation. Hands on and no toys. This is the best way to start so that you can really get in touch with yourself. Fellas, to avoid chaffing, please make sure you use some kind of lubricant. Some men go for lotion, it does not hurt to keep the penis extra moisturized, but sometimes, since it soaks into the skin, you may have to stop and reapply the lotion. Ladies, sometimes our own natural juices take a while to get moving. Aside from spit, some kind of lube is best to help things be as pleasurable as possible.

A good lube is Wet Together Couple's Lubricant. His warms, hers tingles. You can use them together or alone to get the perfect balance of excitement for you. If you want to go the extra mile for pleasurable excitement, there are a range of vagina's and dildos that you can incorporate into your pleasurable fun!

For the fellas of course, the end result of masturbation is likely to be an ejaculation of semen (busting a nut). So remember to have a towel or something nearby. Some people will have the urge to taste their own juices during or immediately after they masturbate. This too is normal. You can't expect someone to go down on you and taste you if you are not willing to taste yourself.

While this is normally a act for one, mutual masturbation is also normal. This can be a form of foreplay for partners to get to know what turns each other on also. Read your partners reaction. Ask them what they like or if it feels good. There is nothing wrong with it what so ever. Even if you watch each other masturbate, you can get cues as to what turns him and her on and incorporate it into your other sexual activities.

Masturbation is a perfectly healthy exercise, and helps you discover your own body. It also serves as a risk-free way to relieve sexual tension. There is no legitimate reason not to do it, so long as you're doing it safely and in private.

As always, Happy Humping - Even if it is just with yourself

Get It Right, Keep It Tight - Kegels

2009-09-04T16:32:00.000-07:00

No one likes loose pussy. Ladies you get no pleasure from it and for the men it's like throwing a pebble down a pipe. What is the point if you get no pleasure? Well I am going to let you in on a little tip. Some of you may know about it, some may have only heard, but the best way to get it and keep it tight is one simple word... KEGELS!

What are Kegels? Kegels are a pelvic floor exercise that work out your pc muscle. They were originally designed by a doctor (named Kegel) to help women with incontinence. But it was soon found that the pc muscle also has a big part to do with the female orgasm too. This will help you have a more intense climax and control them better too. Pregnant women who perform Kegel exercises often find they have an easier birth. Strengthening these muscles during pregnancy can help you develop the ability to control your muscles during labor and delivery.

Well how do I find it? Simple. We have all done the potty dance right? You know how you hold and squeeze that muscle to keep from peeing on yourself? CONGRATULATIONS! You just did a Kegel. If you are still not sure, next time you have to go tinkle, mid stream, try to stop your piddle from paddling. That, my dear, is a kegel exercise. It's just that simple.

What is that you say? How do you make it work for you? Well there are a few ways. Do this simple exercise about 200 times a day. In the shower, on the way to work, in that boring ass meeting you have been dreading all week 20 - 30 squeezes a hour is nothing at all. All you need is a vagina and the ability to count to 5. But there are some fun toys that will help you out with it too. I will get to that in a moment.

Squeeze, 2, 3, 4, 5, Release 2, 3, 4, 5. Repeat.

*Cue's Janet Jackson's Control*
This is where it will all pay off ladies so listen very carefully. Ok, read very carefully. You can also do kegels when you are getting the proper rub down with his magic stick. When he pushes in, you squeeze down, when he pulls out, you release. This is wonderful if you are getting that nice slow loving. The kind where you have to think if you remember proper CPR protocol because you swear he stopped breathing a few times. It works even better if you are on top because you have the majority of the control of the flow.

If you want to know what he feels you can get hands on. Wash your hands first then get comfortable in the bed or chair or tub. Take your middle finger and insert it into your vagina. It will help if you have some kind of lubricant. If your own juices are a flowing then that will work well too, if not, KY/Wet/some other water based lube will do. Once you have your finger all the way in, palm facing your clit, all you do is squeeze. Did you feel that? That's what he feels. Trust me, they love it.

After some practice you can even make it seem like your walls are sucking him in and pushing him out. Now to get the effect of sucking in and pushing out, it takes a little work. Sometimes it is best to call in a stand in for this. A slim vibrator such as the Slim Stick 7 1/2 Inch Waterproof Plush Passion Fruit Vibe is great for this exercise. Insert it in, squeeze, then push it out with your release. Doing this a few times a week will not only be fun for you, but you are maintaining a healthy pelvic floor and practicing for the big game day!

Ben Wa balls work the same way. When they are inserted into the body and they are rocked back and forth inside of you, it creates a low hum/vibrating feeling that brings out the best orgasm ever. How do you rock them? Well Kegels, that's how.

Now I do have to give you a warning. Kegels have been known to bring you to self orgasm in their own way. By squeezing, you are also bringing about a sensation that can be just enough to bring you off (especially if you are sitting straight up) so be warned before you attempt to do these in that boring board meeting.

So ladies, take what you have learned and... Well, Happy Humping!

Ben Wa Balls can be found at Down & Dirty Adult for as low as $10.99

Your Porn Or Mine?

2009-09-03T19:25:00.001-07:00

Glorious Porn! We have all watched it at least once in our lives. Some people watch it once a day, or hour thanks to new mobile applications that literally allow you to have porn in your pocket.

What is it about porn that is so appealing? Mostly the fact that it's something that is not the norm. Most people don't get that "The cable man is here and I am turned on that he slapped his dick across my face" excitement on our own everyday encounters. And why not? Because it is not socially acceptable to slap someone with your dick and most men are not willing to face that rape charge.

The biggest problem comes in when one partner is not as acceptable with the other watching porn. Yes ladies I am speaking of you. There are some women who are in love with the adult flicks as much as the next man but there are a crew of the ladies that just can't handle that their men get turned on by watching others screw. It's not that he does not love you (or like you) it's that there is a fantasy that either you are not capable of filling or willing to fill. Or it can be as simple as he can get a nutt off by himself without being worried about getting you off too. Keep it real ladies, you feel threatened. Just like some of the men do when you ask to bring a sex toy into the bedroom. You are afraid that he does not like you anymore. That he does not feel attracted to you anymore. Sweetie, there was porn before you and there will be porn after you.

So what is a girl to do? Well, when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Men love the idea that women are as interested in sex as they are. So take this and make it work for you. You both can take this time to broaden your imagination. Pop in that favorite flick and act it out. Yes, play copy cat for the night. Word for word, motion for motion, lick for lick and stroke for stroke. Fellas this may work out for your benefit too. You all are not the studs that you THINK you are. Give her a little surprise.

This is not a time for either of you to be lazy either. Ladies, if it shows her going to town and slurping him down a certain way, do your best to mimic it. Fellas, if there is a close up of the dude licking her clit a certain way, go ahead, don't be bashful, lick up the left side and flutter down the right. For a extra surprise, ladies, dress up like his favorite porn star. Not like you will have to go get much and you most likely have it already in your dresser drawer. It's the little efforts that count.

For a great selection of porn for him and her visit Down & Dirty Adult for all of your pleasurable needs.

Have Fun & Happy Humping.

Shaven or Furred?

2009-09-02T20:07:00.000-07:00

This is another addition of "Help Me Help You" brought to you by the twisted mind of Karahmel's Kisses.

Some men are fond of a little grass on the field. Others would rather see the floors scrapped and waxed. Either way it goes ladies, keep up the landscape. There is no need for you to go out and get yourself a violation because you are not keeping your lawn up to code (even though there are those men who like to go muff diving with Jungle Jane... but that's kind of rare)

There is one simple fact that people seem to neglect... FUR LEADS TO FUNK! No one wants to peel your panties away and be greeted by the stench of a Freddy Kruger hand coming out at them. Especially in the summer. No matter how clean you are, no matter what measures you take, fur leads to funk. Fellas, this goes for you too! Now I am not saying that men need to take the straight edge to the man muscle (that just looks... weird) but some clippers, edgers, something; It makes your penis look bigger too.

Now back to you ladies it is as simple as 1, 2, 3!

1. Trim the hair down first with clippers on the lowest guard or sheers if it has been a while since your last trim or if it's been, never. The less hair that you start with, the less you will have to use your razor.

2. Don't be cheep when it comes to your razor and cream. This is something you want to spend a little money on and you always want to use a fresh blade. Not those 88384938493 for $1.99 deals either. Even though there are razors now that don't require shaving cream/gel (like above) You still want to use some kind of gel or cream. I often find that gels provide more moisture and that extra barrier that you need. Wet the skin and then apply a layer of shaving gel. Be generous. Some women may even get aroused by this step. It's even better if you have a trusted hand help you out here. He can see what you can't see. And after all, you are doing this for him, right? (Or Her)

3. The part you came her for, Shave the area. First go in the same direction as your hair then against the "grain" holding the skin taut. You do not want to go over the same area too many times. This can lead to a razor rash and even though YOU know what it is... you have lost you chance for labia to lip love for the rest of your life if he does not believe you. Once you are done rinse the area and admire your work. If he (or she) is helping you, they can test drive the finished product with their tongue!

Now before you even fix your lips to say something just listen:
The itches - this is 2009. There are lotions out there that help eliminate or minimize the itching, redness, and ingrown hairs.

Looking prepubescent - Men are perves... they like it. And you are legal. But if you would feel too naked taking all of the hair off, there are different designs that you can do from the Dorito to the landing strip or just go wild with your imagination.

What about other hair removers? - You should never, ever, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER use something such as Nair or Veet on the nootie pie. the skin is way too sensitive. Some will say they are OK to use on the bikini area but even those i do not trust. Your next step would be waxing. All I have to say about waxing is... watch this:

Any questions?

After you are done with the hair removal; pet the pussy and enjoy your handy work. Then let him enjoy it too.

FYI: sex right after shaving can be a little sensitive. Lube is key but also remember that you have lost a barrier. Some women have experienced a reaction or sorts to their mans sperm (if you are not using protection that is) If this happens to you, a cold wash cloth placed over your nootie pie will help with any discomfort that you may experience and feel kind of sweet too!

Happy Humping!

If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it

2009-09-01T22:31:00.000-07:00

A cock ring that is. Many of you may have heard this term but never knew exactly what it does. A cock ring is a ring that fits around the base of the penis, the penis and the testicles, or just the testicles.

Why the hell would anyone want to do that? For a longer, stronger erection. That's why. Cock rings restrict the flow of blood with gives a longer errection. Some men who suffer from erectile disfunction use them to sustain erections.

The rings are made out of various materials. From leather to rubber or even metal; the choice is yours. There are even some complex ones out there that combine a few rings in one.

If you want to be adventureous and try one, start slow. Choose a rubber ring to start off with. There are a few starter kits where you get three ring sizes. It should fit snug but not too tight. Once you get that hard on you have grown to love, you would roll it on like a condom, before the condom. Once you are sure she has gotten hers the ring can be removed so you can get yours.

Just remember to start slow. There should be no pain or discomfort. If there is, stop right away and remove the ring.

Maybe this is something new you would be willing to try. There are even ones out now that vibrate for "her" pleasure. She will lofe you for it!

HAPPY HUMPING!

10 Tips To Better Loving

2009-09-01T18:36:00.000-07:00

1. No means No - Abide by the wishes of your partner. I would hate to loose a reader because you decided to put a finger in your mates booty and they have already told you no.

2. Soap and water is your friend - Locker room balls and clam bakes are not something that make me thing of sex, and i don't want to think of these when i am having sex. Ladies, the little summers eve wipes work wonders, fellas, you can use them too. It wont turn your nuts into labia lips. Help Me Help You.

3. Strap up - If for anything to keep from having kids you may not want... but also for your health. There are too many condoms out there now that are made for her pleasure and yours. Even for the folks who have latex allergies.

4. This is what you like? - Make the extra effort to do the little things which remind your partner that they are special. Does your partner like you to dress a particular way or in a particular color? What does it hurt to give them what they want? Just make sure that the generosity is reciprocated. Often women will give and give hoping to someday get the same consideration in return. When they don't, they withdraw from their partner in resentment.... Well let's call it what it is. Pussy on lock down. Ask for what you want and make sure that there is a mutual exchange.

5. Don't fake the funk - Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. No matter what your history, take responsibility for what you like and enjoy. If you are openly communicating with your partner, the shame will go away. If you are concerned about how your partner may react to a fantasy you have, first discuss how your partner feels about fantasies in general. You can introduce things slowly, as you feel safe.

6. Be careful with drink - We all know drinking increases a man’s desire but decreases his ability, but not everyone realizes it also affects a woman’s sexual response. More than two or three drinks and some women may be loving but mentally limited.

7. Thrusting for hours without climaxing doesn’t make you a stud muffin. It does make the vagina numb and sore. Sorry ladies, it had to be said. But I don't know anyone who likes their labia lips to resemble a pop and fresh roll in the morning. No Gents, this does not mean you can get off the hook by stroking it 4 times and being done. NO that does not make you considerate of her needs so get that thought out of your head.

8. Be polite - Never nudge your partner’s head towards your nether regions. During fellatio don’t thrust into your partner’s mouth, don’t hold the side of her head – and definitely warn her when you think you are going to cum. Ladies, the head lock with the legs are not always necessary. With regard to orgasm, always operate a ladies-first policy.

9. Play a game - Yes it may seem kiddie but a good game of strip poker or "I'm out of money can i do a "favor" monopoly is a good way to get naked.

10. Men, take your damn socks off. As a matter of fact, the boxers too! Ladies, if your man only wants to do the do while he is in his underoo's, Newsflash, You Are A Jump off.

If You Kiss It, You Will Cum - Pt 2

2009-08-30T12:05:00.000-07:00

Yes ladies, I could not forget about you. I already got on the men about their lack of skills and now it is your turn. I know, I know. It's not natural. Well neither is him muff diving on you (and he better be if you are going to suck his Johnson) so it's time to get over it, put on your MAC and Pucker up!

Here is your simple survival guide to slurping the knob:

Line Up For Inspection! - Now fellas, I Forgot to mention this with your post but yes it goes for both sexes. Lassies, if you see dry skin patches, bumps, abrasions, discolored skin, lesions, cuts, dripping or just foul odor or discharge, or even if it just looks like his dick is kin to a California raisin; RUN, DON'T WALK, FOR THE DOOR AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE! No need to put it in your mouth, or in your body. Hell you can possibly loose a eye by looking at it. I would think it's common sense but it has to be said.

Relax - If you have never done it before it can be something that is kind of intimidating. The thoughts of your head being impaled on hard human flesh can be kind of scary if it's a new adventure. Relax, take a deep breath and start slow. You should have already had a conversation with your man and he is probably is please as punch that it's your first time, or you are lying and saying its your first time. If this is not your first trip around the barn, you already know what you like and what you don't like. Set your ground rules and let it be know what is acceptable and what is not.

There are some fellas that are a little head grabby-ish. My favorite guideline is I have been sucking dick for the last *ahem* years. I don't need your hands on my head to assist me. - Save the hair pulling for later... this, I don't need your help with.

Start slow. It does not hurt to think of it as a warm Popsicle. Put it to your lips and do what come natural. And that brings me to my next point...

No teeth - it's not really a Popsicle. Just like in playing tea party you were not really drinking tea. So don't bite it. Just like our clits, it is attached and it will not come off. Open your jaws wide. For some you will have to open wider for, others, not so much. But by all means please keep your teeth to yourself. if you have to, start off by taking your lips and pulling them over your teeth to keep from scratching him with your teeth. They want pleasure, not pain.

Start gradual. Don't shove it all in your mouth at one time like it's your last meal. Just like we want him to go slow and build up on us he wants the same. Being a tease in this area is a good thing. Slut it out in the end. It will make him happy.

Gag reflex - Some women have been blessed with having no gag reflex. For the rest of the ladies, you have to learn it. For this, you really must relax. It's all about testing your limits. If you don't have it, you wont have it right away. There is practice needed to train your muscles (men settle the hard ons). Take it one step at a time. At first you will probably gag right away. This is normal. Just back off of it and catch your breath and try it again. See how long you can hold the head to the back of your throat. The more you practice the longer you will be able to stay eventually. Again, open wide and do not try to be a hero. Neither he nor you want vomit to help you remember the occasion.

To swallow or not to swallow, that is the question - It is what it is. Either you will or you won't but remember what i said about setting expectations, this is one of the things that I am talking about. Now, some men do not cum from head. These are the men I love! (No worries about not being able to stand up to the test later on) Then there are ones that do. If you don't want to swallow, or even have it in your mouth, please ladies don't be cute and act like you don't care. And fellas if you want her to put her mouth on your ever again, you may want to abide by her wishes. A big part of sex is TRUST. If that link is broken, then there will be problems later on down the line.

So ladies, take these tips and put them in your pocket, put on your MAC, get out your knee pads and enjoy!

If You Kiss It, They Will Cum - Pt 1

2009-08-27T18:09:00.000-07:00

So the masses have asked for it. OK well not the masses, just a few old high school friends. But still, it's something they wanted addressed. Part one is dedicated to cunnalingus, muff diving, eating pussy, snacking on the snapper. Whatever you want to call it, 4 out of 5 men are most likely doing it wrong. Now you may say to yourself, or yell to the screen, "every time I go down, she cums and bucks and screams my name. I know what I am doing". Maybe, don't click off just yet. Have you ever heard of faking it? You may think you know when we are doing the real thing. Trust me; you don't.

But she was so wet - Genius you were just down there salivating on her labia. Of course it is going to be wet.

Her legs got tense and she was all over the bed. I had to chase her - I bet you were sucking on it like it was a rib bone from your local BBQ joint.

She told me she was cumming - Yeah? And I am the good ship lollipop. Let's go back to the faking thing again.

Now before the men get pissed, this is not directed at all of you. Just the ones who don't know what the hell they are doing with it comes to mouth to crotch recreation. OK?

Now fellas, there are you all who are pretty good at what you do. But you don't listen or pay attention. If a woman tells you "Ohh yes baby. Just like that baby. Oooh don't stop doing that" DON'T STOP! IT FEELS GOOD! what do you do? You go from licking up and down to with a flat tongue to SUCKING ON THE CLIT. Now dammit, she just said DON'T STOP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SWITCHING IT UP!?!?

She is telling you exactly what she needs you to do. She is telling you what feels good. We know that sometimes your tongue can get tired, but don't you think ours does too? Remember, if you do this right, hopefully she does not lay there like a dead fish and it won't take as long to bring her off as before because you are doing all the right things at the right time.

I just have some simple advice to offer:

- If she asks you to something, please.. just do it! If your mouth gets tired... do something of the same variation with your thumb or your finger (cut your damn nails)

- You are not de-boning a chicken wing. It is not going to come off. You are not slurping an oyster. It is permanently attached. So because she is giving you a positive reaction, does not mean you have to show her your best impression of an Oreck XL Vacuum.

- Ask her how she likes it. Talk about it. There is nothing wrong with asking her what makes her feel good. We wish more men would do it instead of going in head first and think you know everything about it all. All bodies are different. That means we will react a different way from the last person and the next person... unless you just suck.

Fellas take heed.... Ladies.. you are next!

An-OH! - Anal Sex

2009-08-26T18:35:00.000-07:00

Now you knew this was coming sooner or later. I can see the masses of people sitting behind their monitors shaking their head profusely throwing a fit screaming "EXIT ONLY! EXIT ONLY!" Ok, Ok. Put the pitch forks down! This segment may not be for you but it is for others! Most of you will still keep reading out of pure curiosity. Enjoy!

Anal sex is not for everyone. You either love it or hate it. Some people can not fathom the fact of anything going "in there". Some swoon at the thought. In a lot of cases it's the man who wants it, and the girl who rejects it. The most common reasons people reject anal are because of, well you want to put what where? Most of it is generated by fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of pain, fear of a mess or even the fear of liking it. There is also the sigma of if you are having anal sex, the man is homosexual or secretly homosexual. This simply is not the case. And if proper preparation is done, then it could be enjoyable to all parties who are involved. Again, communication with your partner is key if this is an adventure that you two are going to partake in.

Simple tips to remember:
Take your time - Please, please, please. MEN THIS IS FOR YOU! TAKE YOUR TIME. Take a step back and remember, your girl is not a porn star. If she has never done this before, TAKE YOUR TIME! Better yet, just take a back seat on this one. Let her be in control. This is a crucial step if you ever want to take a ride down this road ever again.

Relax - Ladies, if you have never done this before and this is something you are willing to try, please, relax. The more relaxed you are, the more pleasure you will receive. If you are tight and tense there is no point in even going there.

Lube is KEY - Unlike the vagina, the anus does not create as much lubrication. So this is why lubrication is key. A good water based lube such as KY or a personal favorite, WET will help make things slide a little better. Combined with a condom of your choice (highly recommended) you should experience little, if any friction. The condom basically will help with less friction and also protect from infections, and a messy clean up or excavation later on down the line - just use your imagination and get back to me on that one.... Yeah.

The Enema - This is optional but still recommended. Think of it as paving the way for the road you are about to travel. Adopt a highway to so speak. Clean it up a little to make it more enjoyable to you and your traveling buddy.

Wash your hands - Please, please please wash your hands and all toys. Do not cross contaminate toys/fingers/penis/condoms from ass to vajayjay. Vajayjay to ass is OK but not vice versa. Just asking for a UTI or Yeast infection if you do that

Now like I said before, people will either love it or hate it. If you are trying for the first time, fellas sit cho ass down and let the woman do her own thing. If you get all happy and humppy before she gives you the ok you can cause damage, pain, may even loose your penis in the separation (clinch and snap). Best thing for you ladies to do is either ride it, or back up on it. Be liberal with the lube. Place it on his penis, place it on/in/around your anus before you start. SLOWLY make your move. Take your time and remember to breathe. If you really like it and enjoy it you will be riding or backing it up like there is no difference and asking him to put his back into it.

Now if you are not as adventurous to try anal play with your man the first time ladies, there are a few toys that are designed just for anal. If you are thinking about trying it, invest in a few and see how they feel. Or even take that rabbit, slide a condom on it, lube it up and well try for yourself. You will have 1000% control and be in the privacy of your own home.

Again, it's not for everyone, but if you give it a little time and dedication, it may be a new act that is just for you.

Please feel free to share your tips and tricks. :) Happy Humping

BDSM..WHOA, WHAT?

2009-08-25T19:37:00.000-07:00

BDSM. That's that kinky stuff right? First lets break down the term BDSM. The terms most people are familiar with is Bondage/Dominance/Submission/Masochism.

Bondage - Tie me up daddy
Dominance - Do as I say not as I do
Submission - Sir, Yes Master
Masochism - Getting off from either getting or giving pain/humiliation.

Now that we got that out of the way: We have all had some kind of BDSM experience. It may have been mild and it may have been to the extreme. But we all have had it. From being 16 and getting it in good with your first girlfriend doggy style and slapping that ass to maybe even being kept down in a hole with some creepy Master above you dropping lotion down in a drawstring pulley basket telling you to put the lotion on the skin or you get the hose again. And if you have not had SOME kind of experience, Imma need you to get out a live a little! Just a little bit. The world won't end if you tweak a nipple or three.

BDSM basically describes the power dynamic of sex. The perfect pair will be when one person gets off from being in control and the other is equally, if not more, turned on by being submissive. Think of it as roll playing to the extreme with a twist of fetishism.

What most of us have experienced on some level is the Dominant and the Submissive rolls. For my Gents, you are often the aggressor. Playing the doctor, the pseudo rapist (yes i said it), the teacher or some other roll that hold power. Ladies, we are that damsel in distress, the nurse, the victim, the naughty girl who was caught speeding 31 in a 30 zone who must do every thing he says we must or suffer the consequences. I don't know about you ladies, but I like consequences! Now there are times when women are the aggressor. For all of you men who kind of get off on that strong Grace Jones female dominate roll -- Meet me out back in about 20 minutes.

The next level would be a little less fluff and a lot more SPANK! This roll extends past the bedroom into a little more of every day life. The 2 parties know their rolls and experience them with out a story line to follow.

Now if you can't go hard, you need to go home! For people who get off the most are the people who live this 24/7, 365, not even on the 7th day did they rest! "Yes Master" "No Mistress" are common phrases of their lives. Whips, chains, ropes, candle wax, paddles, restraints, spreader bars, cock rings, anal plugs, cat o nine tails (if you have no idea what I am talking about, there will be blogs to follow), nipple clamps, ball sacs, OH MY and much much more.

These people do not have a fear in trying something new, adventurous, and take sex to a whole nother level when they engage in these sexual activities.

Now if you are thinking of adding a little BDSM to your love life, there are a few safety tips to remember:

Submissives - never let any one you do not know or trust tie you up. You are literally placing your life in their hands

Agree upon, and practice, a "safeword" before you begin

Never use a chain or rope around the front of a submissives throat and avoid this area and avoid placing pressure on this area during play

Always keep watch over a bound submissive, check constantly for numbness, discoloration and cold skin in case, and as, circulation deteriorates

One of the most important things to remember about BDSM is that no one but you and your partner(s) can decide what is right for you. How you play is right as long as you are happy. There is no set of rules defining what you must or must not do in order to be practicing BDSM. There are no minimum time requirements, there is generally no one looking over your shoulder approving or disapproving of what you are doing. The one are this complicates is in playing with someone new, ALWAYS take the time to negotiate and talk before you play.

Happy Spanking!

If You Won't Do It, Someone Else Will

2009-08-23T19:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, I said it. If you won't do it, someone else will. This goes for a lot of things ranging from foreplay to oral to anal. Bottom line ladies and gents, what you won't do, the next (or the other) person will. It is time to get off of the high horse and lick a clit, spank a ass, suck a dick, and maybe even squirt someone in the eye with some breast milk if he asks you to.

Yes, we all have limitations and morals. Some may be for religious reasons and those should be respected. But if it is anything other then that...... please! I ask you. Have you at least tried it?

Let's take oral sex for an example since there are people out there who "don't do that". There are ladies who don't want to slob the knob. There are fellas who don't want to taste the tuna taco. I remember there was this one guy who told me, with a straight face, "I don't eat pussy because it breaks my face out". Well baby we need to get you to a dermatologist to get you a script for that now don't we? -- Especially since he wanted to cup his hands behind my head and push me down like a beach ball in a swimming pool. Selfish little prick. You EXPECT me to go down on you but you can't wear a pimple for me? Time to re-evaluate this relationship because *say it with me class* What you won't do, someone else will.

What is the issue with oral sex? You love it when it is done to you, however you are too lazy when it is time to give it back (ladies and men respectively). Of course, like all things sex, communication is key.

Why don't you want to do it? - I don't like the taste. Well you have not tried it with me.

- or -

I had a bad experience before - Well it was not with me. How do you know I will be like the others?

Now fellas, sometimes you mess it up for yourself and the rest of yall. If you say you are going to let the girl know when you are going to cum, do just that. Not all of you have the healthiest of diets and don't taste the greatest (yes, we know when you had the big mac when extra sauce and a side of baby back ribs). At least give her the option of dodge, spit or swallow. I mean, we know you always don't have use of your big boy words all of the time when you get ready to cum. But a grunt, a tap, SOMETHING is appreciated. One of you is going to mess around one day and she is going to pop up and spit it back in your face, IF she does not bite you first. Now we don't want that do we? And don't even go to the argument of we don't tell you when we cum, why should we. We have totally different mechanics of our sexual organs. If you can't understand that and wish to proceed with that argument, let me know so I can find you a High School Sexual Science course to audit.

Ladies, we are not off of the hook. If you want a man to go down and taste your labia omelet at LEAST clean up around there a little bit. Take pride in your landscape. Don't litter. Spend the extra 2 dollars on that pack of toilet paper that does not break off and live up in your snatch. It's not a snack, you can't save it for later. And the same goes for you. Some of your diets are not the greatest, every now and then eat a apple or some peaches to sweeten your nectar. I guess the motto for both men and women should be "help me help you".

Back to this "taste" issue. If that is the only problem you have with it, hit up your local Kroger and get you a can of whipped cream, honey, chocolate syrup. Make a banana split out of that bad boy and call it day. Be fun. Be adventurous. Just kiss the tip!

All and all, be upfront and honest. There is tolerance in honesty. You may even find some understanding and come to a common ground. But the lesson for tonight is if you won't, someone else will.

Double Your Pleasure, Double Your Fun

2009-08-23T16:12:00.000-07:00

We never thought it would happen, but we have to admit it, sex can become boring if you do the same old thing, the same old positions over and over again. "oh-yes-do-it-like-that-bay-be". I am sure there are a few of you out there who can count down the seconds to the next position or what your mate is going to say next. Don't let this be you. Shake it up a little bit! With a few inexpensive "tools of the trade" you can re-light the fire in your bedroom bonfire or keep the kindling burning!

If you have never used bedroom helpers before, the most important thing is to take it slow. Open communication is the first policy when it comes to sex. If you are not aware of what your partner likes/dislikes, then you are headed down the road for sure disaster. Ladies, most of us have toys and a lot of men don't. Some men may feel intimidated by the extra "help" in the bedroom. So please by all means, don't show him the Tupperware crate under the bed that has all of your bondage, vibrators, clit stimulators, handcuffs, ect. in it his first ride around the barn. Start slow and start safe. There are different condoms now that are "RIBBED" for her pleasure. It is a simple way to start slow introducing new things to the bedroom without the intimidation of an extra element.

Now this is for my fella's. Gentleman, there is nothing wrong with using toys in the bedroom with your mate. If anything, it makes you look better in the long run. Not saying that you can't hold it down, beat it up, make her say your name forwards and backwards and spell it out in Pig Latin. Using a simple toy such as a Rabbit or other kind of dildo at the start of your sexual encounter can send her through the roof. (Don't front, we have all seen the EVE sex tape!) If you are down for oral sex, and you should be (if you don't do it, we will find someone who will.... sound familiar?) it's really simple. Use a vibrator in conjunction with your tongue. Flip back and forth from inserting it in her to rubbing it on her clit. All and all it is still win win for you.

NO LOCK JAW!

When phase one of the night is over, it is your turn to come in and finish her off in your own way that she already loves. By the end of the night you come out as a super hero! You know for a fact that she got hers and of course you got yours!

These are just a few simple suggestions add a little spice to your life.

These toys and more can be found at Down & Dirty. Any other suggestions/tips of what you have found works for you, please feel free to add on!

Say What?!?!?!? - Talk Dirty To Me!

2009-08-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

The lights are low, (or if you are the kinky kind, the spot light is on and the camera is recording on the tripod). The one you love, or even just the one you are with hits that move that they know makes your toes curl. Fellas, maybe she has no gag reflex and she is playing Mrs. PacMan with your Johnson. Ladies, maybe he hit is hitting that sweet spot that he can only get when your right leg is wrapped behind your neck and the left leg is between his. Nevertheless you have this moment where all inhibitions are gone and you blurt out "Fuck this pussy like you mean it daddy" or "suck this dick you dirty little slut".

*GASP* SAY WHAT?

Dirty talk takes a little bit of knowing your partner. Sometimes it can backfire on you and other times it can work in your favor. Men, for the most part, as long as you are not too overly "nasty" are turned on by a woman letting loose and telling him how she feels (as long as the commentary is positive and encouraging). Women, on the other hand, are a little more..... shall I dare say it, Sensitive. Yes ladies, Get the g-string out of your cunt lips and be a little open minded. A lot of sex is roll playing. Being what your man needs you to be or wants you to be (even if it is once or twice a month). Don't be alarmed and have your feelings hurt if you man says "suck this dick like you mean it bitch"

*DOUBLE GASP* Did she say that?!?

Yes, I did. Think about it. You are reenacting his favorite porno that you both have watched together many times. Slobbing and slurping and spitting and bobbing and weaving doing your best to break him off and thinking in the back of your mind "YEAH BABY, SUPER HEAD HAS NOTHING ON ME" . She taught you how to throw it back on him, she taught you how to make his knees buckle under him. So don't be alarmed, if you get called a bitch/slut/freaky hoe. In that moment, it's a complement. Just wipe the drool from your chin and grin when you are done. Even celebrate and do the "beat it up dance" (you know they do it, so can we).

Now, if he even fixed his lips to call you a bitch/slut/freaky hoe any other time, Check that ass.

Now there are a few things to keep in mind when talking dirty. Keep it real. If it does not feel natural then it won't sound natural.

Know you partner. If they are the missionary only, I can't put that in my mouth, the breast are only for babies type person. Dirty talk may not be for them. And they may not be for you, if that is what you are into.

Speaking of "breast", PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE for the love of Bob Vila. Stay away from clinical terms. It's not dirty if you are speaking sanitary. "OH YES YOU FEMALE DOG, SUCK MY PENIS" is not a mood setter. Neither is "INSERT YOUR PENIS INTO MY LABIA AND PISTON IT WITH VIGOR" ---- NEGATIVE!

Most important, be a giver and a taker when it comes down to it. If she calls you daddy, smack that ass and play along. No this does not mean she has repressed feelings for screwing her father. It just may mean she wants you to take the aggressive roll for the night or be more aggressive and in charge.

So are you a fan of the dirty talk?
How do you judge what to say and when to say it?
What turns you on when it is said to you?
Have you ever been caught off guard by some freaky speaky?

There Are Penalties For Early Withdrawal

2009-08-21T19:06:00.001-07:00

Sex is a delicate subject. So it's time to give it a make over. Premature ejaculation, for women every where, it's an issue; either in the past, present, or horrid future. One minute hittahs, minute men, whatever you want to call them plague the earth. Inexperience is one thing but pure selfishness is another.

Ladies, what do you do or have you done to hold a man off from making you wish you were washing your hair?

Fellas, what do you do to slay the white tiger? Or do you even care?

Jump offs are one thing, but even then, would you want that reputation of being a selfish looser?

Speak on it fam.

***Edit to add*
Some said "blame it on good pussy" O.K. I give you that. There is some good stuff out there. And yes, I am tooting my own horn. I will even say you get a SLIGHT pass with New pussy. Only slight. But after you have been in it a time or 6 and the outcome is still the same, that is what we are talking about today.

This also does not go for the men who nut quick and keep it going hard and strong. This is for the fellas who strike out in the first three strokes.

Welcome to Karahmel After Dark

2009-08-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

This blog series will be for the adult libido in mind. My business is taboo and there will be nothing TOO taboo for my crew! If you have questions, we will find answers. We will travel all sides of the spectrum, from relationships and sex to sex and sex.

So bookmark this page, sit back and enjoy. The questions will start to flow soon. We will be waiting for your answers :)